British Bankers Offer Stinging Reposte to Archbishop

From our astrology, zoology and pedagogy correspondent, Mystic Gran

The head of the British Bankers Association today issued a strong rebuke to a speech given on Wednesday by the Archbishop of Westminster, The Most Rev Vincent Nichols, to the London School of Economics, in which he condemned the financial sector for failing to 'wake up' to its moral responsibilities to 'serve society'.

“I applaud the leadership some have given but also lament that the financial sector seems collectively still to have failed to wake up to the moral responsibility they have, as we all do, to serve society,” said the head of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales.

The Archbishop continued that, “Until a different culture has taken hold, I cannot see how a real and necessary change can take place. What we saw in the financial crisis was bad business practice compounded by a culture celebrating profit as an end in itself.”

Speaking on behalf of British bankers, Jes Skelam offered this statement: “You've got to be f***ing kidding me, right? Let me get this straight, the Catholic Church wants to lecture us on morality? That's the same Catholic Church which insists on abusing young children and then paying them all off in a desperate attempt to cover it up? Oh, and let's not forget their continued refusal to advocate the use of condoms in Africa to prevent the spread of HIV and Aids, unless it involves a hermaphrodite prostitute, a baboon, and takes place on the third Sunday of the month. Still, what do you expect when their top guy is a former Nazi? I'm surprised goosestepping isn't mandatory during mass. What I'd say to the Archbishop is that I would of course love to discuss this with him at length, just as soon as he's able to make a space in his diary when he's not interfering with little Billy".