From our looming Armageddon correspondent, Jose Sánchez Vicario
Reports were confirmed on Tuesday that Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt has formally submitted his CV to BSkyB for the position of non-executive board member, or any other role that involves minimal work whilst raking in obscene volumes of cash. It is believed Mr Hunt is interested in taking up the position when his current contract ends, most likely immediately after the next General Election.
The submission of Mr Hunt’s CV is grabbing headlines around the world for the eye-wateringly high cost of the application. BSkyB alone will be spending around £8bn to accept the application, whilst the British public will be paying with the last remaining vestiges of media plurality and of course Mr Hunt will be giving up his soul.
As he arrived at BskyB headquarters in Wapping, East London, wearing a full gimp suit and the CV protruding from his well lubricated orifice, Mr Hunt commented, “It has always been my dream to work for an evil empire and they don’t come much more evil than BSkyB, so fingers crossed today could be the start of a dream come true. I’ve suggested board member but to be honest I’ll literally do anything, tea boy, bog-troll, human foot stool. All I ask is that when the electorate inevitably realise how awful I am and throw me out, BSkyB starts delivering wheelbarrows full of cash to my house.”
Rupert Murdoch was unavailable for comment, but his office issued the following statement: “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... I win again.”
In response to the not-at-all-surprise move by the Culture Secretary, the BBC has decided to fully roll out the policy which they have been trialling in recent weeks. All BBC journalists will now refer to him as Jeremy the total C**t.
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